postr/StutterOctober 30, 2014

I feel trapped in my own body

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Content

I feel trapped in my own body I've dealt with a stammer for as long as I can remember and I've rarely felt of it like this before, however I moved to university a month or so ago. Over text speech, I come up with really good stuff, pretty witty, funny, etc, to the extent where I can't even believe that it's me. But when I try to bring this into the real world I just cannot get the fluency to be the person I know I am. I try, but it's so frustrating to know that I'll likely never be that person. When I was younger, I would get teased (never bullied mind you, I was too big for that) because of my stammer, but as I've become older it has altered itself to become more of a personal internal battle more than anything else, everyone understands and is nice when they find out about it. But it does little to soothe anything because I've had it for so long When I was younger, I would pretend to be ill if I had a class where I would have to present something, I'd do anything to avoid it, but now I don't, and I'm confident with that sort of thing for the most part. But it's this interpersonal and intrapersonal aspect which is really doing me in at the moment.

Themes

Anticipation & AvoidanceEmotional ExperienceIdentity & Disability

Subthemes

Hiding & ConcealmentHelplessness & AgencyAuthenticity vs. Masking

Codes (2)

public_speakingemotional_state