Stuttering, a Stream of Consciousness Essay

Stuttering, a Stream of Consciousness Essay Ever since i can remember I have stuttered. I try to convince people that it doesn’t bother me, this is a lie. It does get to me. Often times when i meet someone new they mimic my stutter, I tell myself this is an evolutionary response meant to make those who speak differently feel at ease. In reality the mimicry shows me who the assholes are. This has lead to me losing what little faith I had in humanity. Hollywood has created many stereotypes over the years, the most damaging to me is the stereotype of the stutterer. Movies like Waterboy and Tropic Thunder portray the stutterer as someone of lesser intelligence, thereby creating a stereotype of stutterers in the minds of the mainstream masses. I am a college graduate, one of the first in my family, I am not stupid. Sometimes it feels as though my brain moves several times faster than my body, maybe my tongue is just trying to catch up. Often I have trouble making myself heard in a group, it is difficult to interject when you can’t get a sound out. The more frustrating aspect of my speech impediment are the Vasalva blocks, that is when you try to speak but no sound escapes your lips. Imagine you are hauling a great weight and at the same time trying to have an animated conversation. You can feel the words in your mind but cannot utter a sound as if there were an immense weight pressing down on your chest, forcing the air out. Now try to imagine feeling that and having a conversation with someone who has no idea what it feels like to be trapped within your own body. The people close to me often complete a word I am presumably stuck on, this only makes it worse as it shows that I need assistance from others when communicating. The feeling of inadequacy which comes from these communicative issues does not help one’s confidence in one’s self. I don’t want the pity which I see in other people’s eyes when I get stuck on a word. It seems that I get stuck on certain sounds or letters for periods of time then the letters i get stuck on change for no reason. Due to this phenomena I have given every single one of my close friends nicknames which start with relatively safe letters/sounds. Everyone has burdens to bear, this speech impediment is mine. In the end I am a stronger person because of the adversity I have faced. Due to my speech impediment I have become hyper aware of the way people speak as well as the phrases they choose to use. I believe this is due to my own experience with communication which has given me a greater appreciation for language. P.S. fuck Adam Sandler Edit: I don’t mean this to be a poor me post so much as personal catharsis