I felt your pain when reading your post.  I hit a state where I didn’t want to speak anymore and started sentences with “Erm erm erm erm erm” like a feeble attempt to not stutter. I was 17/18 years of age and felt like a 90 year old lost at sea. I’m much older now and way more calm.  Even now I can’t help but look back and ask what the hell was going on.  Actions have consequences and that period of my life has had a knock on effect ever since. My story was an incentive for those who don’t stutter anymore -https://www.reddit.com/r/Stutter/comments/1nls8dy/exstutterers_club/