I do not have a stutter as bad as yours, but I have struggled with one my entire life. All I can say is that the way you were feeling is never the answer. Stutterers have to be brave to simply perform mundane normal tasks, like ordering food, asking questions, networking, socializing, etc. I know this isn't what you want to hear but it will make you stronger and the constant failure in social interactions will make you more resilient. You can't appreciate the highs in life without the lows. Just stay strong and know that you are on a journey towards happiness and peace. I wish you the best.