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I really can't take it anymore for some reason I'm in a place where I have to live with 16 people my age. they treat me well and don't say anything bad infront of me. But they all see me like a fool or an idiot literally. all of them treat me in a caution and pity way. it really hurts so badly. When they are together they curse me I don't exactly what they said but I heard the word idiot several times. one time we were all in the place and of course they were all together and I was sitting with some other people who respect me and one of them stared at me then continued what he was doing 5 seconds later another one looked at me and said hey why are u sitting alone in a sacaristic tone (they were talking about me and i heard the word idiot twice). maybe sometimes I act like a fool because I want to be normal and laugh with them but it turns out like I laugh alot I be so nervous if I see someone doing that I would actually say he is an idiot I know I'm a part of this like because I tried to engage with them and be one of them but that's not me I couldn't do that everyone sees me that way not only them, so I guess I should fucking shut my mouth up next time I meet new people and set boundaries. I'm really understands every look every thing said I'm 100% aware. but i can do nothing. imagine an autistic silent person who don't know how to communicate with people laughs at everything to reduce his embarrassment. I'd say he is a idiot also tbh it's really really hard some days 10 of us and like 5 or 6 girls have to meet in one place each one doing a task(two of these girls i know) I know them only through chat I never talked to them irl so it is actually the first time we meet first day we were looking to each other a lot awkwardly which may made me look creep and autistic anyways that's not a big deal. I mean first day was good because I spoke a little and didn't stutter but one day I tried to engage some people and laugh with them but I was stuttering and laughing in a fucking awful way and I think they heard me I didn't chat with them since like 3 weeks and I won't cuz I don't know how they see me know.