Aw hey man, don't be so down on yourself. A lot of stutters have physical tics attached to our disfluency. I, for one, can't keep eye contact, whatsoever. I've tried very hard to train myself out of it, but it feels impossible. I also have had the habit of biting my lip to get past "f" sounds, which has even caused me pretty bad injury in the past. I've mentioned on here before about nearly urinating myself at times. That's why we shouldn't fight our stutters so hard. I don't want to not stutter--it's not possible--I want to learn to stutter better, more productively. I want to work with my stutter, not fight so hard against the current. That's when my physical tics get so bad. I don't know if it's like that for others, though. But it's like that David Foster Wallace quote, 'You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.' When people look back on their interactions with you, they're going to remember that you had obvious difficulty speaking. That's so much less of a big deal than we tend to make it. They can see there's a problem that we're trying hard to overcome. You know what makes most people uncomfortable about watching us stutter? That they don't have experience with it, don't know how to respond, and that they might insult you or make it worse. I like to look at every conversation I have as a team effort. They're on my team. They're rooting for you! Whenever I feel a block coming and I'm speaking to someone who doesn't know me, I'll throw in as an aside, "Oh, I'm about to stutter, let's see if I can get this out!" People are more patient and understanding than we tend to give them credit for.