Transitioning between types of stutters

Transitioning between types of stutters So I’m a person who stutters and I’m in my 30s. I started going to speech therapy in the 1st grade (provided by the school) and this is when I realized that I stuttered. I had more of a repetition style stutter and over the years I would use different tics to help me get through them. Like cocking my head back when speaking, flicking my finger off my chin, and snapping my fingers. So much so that I had sore spots on my finger tips and chin. Eventually in my teen years I used hand gestures and “umms” and “uhhs” to help and this sort of turned my stutter into a block style. Since then, this is where I’ve been at with it. I have many of the same experiences shared on here. I dreaded public speaking, talking on the phone for appointments/ordering, making small talk. Over the years I’ve been able to mask my stutter and inevitably I start blocking and someone thinks I’m having a stroke or I’m nervous or what have you. I suppose since it doesn’t look like what most people think of as stuttering they’re confused by it and this makes me feel so foolish. I’ve tried to force through blocks when talking and when I sense that I’m going hit a repetition stutter I feel so scared of losing the “control” that I’ve had over it. But I know that ultimately I let my stutter have too much control over my everyday life and maybe fighting it or hiding it is the wrong way to go about it. I really admire people who are outgoing despite how they stutter, and feel ashamed that I don’t let myself be like that. TL;DR: I forced my repetition stutter into a block stutter and I’m too nervous to revert back. Has anyone else here had a similar journey like this? Did you willingly “reshape” your stutter or go back to a previous style? How did it play out? Did you feel better when you started to own it?