Sounds to me like you fight the good fight. I'm in the same boat. I was active duty and would give trainings and briefings to high up people. Got a lot of shit for it. Also got a lot of respect for it cause I wouldn't back down to it. I still hide it and cope with shit but I've pretty much accepted it and now and make fun of myself. Like if I roast someone I'll be like "Ha didn't stutter this time bitch". Having that total acceptance though is some shaman zen level shit. Takes alot of introspection and self analysis to get there. Not saying im there, it don't get to me sometimes at night too, but I get up every day fight the good fight