Reading this is the first time I've felt like someone else is living through the same shit that I am. I have these moments in my life where I suddenly get a short wave of optimism and look for a new job or something. But it never lasts long and I end up crashing back down to this. Somehow getting a bit better and then slipping back down into depression feels worse. I tried to take my life twice in my school years. I'm 19 now and I don't think I can do this for much longer. I really hope you can get some sort out happiness out of your life, we all deserve that.