I am in a similar boat as you. I'm 21, and a senior in college. Sometimes my stutter can be controlled, but other times it gets the best of me. When one of my professors asked me a question in class the other day, I flawlessly told her how I would teach a four stanza poem to a classroom. But when I got Thai food with my girlfriend yesterday, I stuttered when I asked the waiter if all entrees came with a side of steamed rice. I've also had my stutter just as long as you have. I would hate when my family would watch old home videos because I would stutter profusely. I also don't correct people when they pronounce my last name wrong. It's happened when I don't correct the waiter, and having to call my friend's on their house phones back in the day? I would pray to God that they would answer and not their parents. When my gf and I started dating her mom answered and I stuttered so bad I told her I was choking on a pretzel when I called. My friends honestly didn't know I stuttered until I told them, either because I hid it so well, or maybe I was so comfortable around them I didn't stutter. But due to certain circumstances I don't see my friends as often, or even have as many friends as I did a year ago, and I think that's worsened my stutter. My weight gain has also been a problem. I'm a tall dude but I have a beer belly and small man boobs, so that's obviously a dent in my confidence. I often think, if I were thinner, more handsome, would I finally kick my stutter's ass? I try to run as often as I can, but with school and everything it's hard to keep up. I've let my stutter become my bully. I sweat when it lurks during class time, to the point where my palms sweat and wet my school paper and my pants are damp (that's embarrassing to admit but it's been happening a lot recently). If I stutter in class I hate myself for it. I sit in the back corner in all of my classrooms because I feel like my stutter can't find me there. I rarely speak up because I'm so afraid of all eyes on me, watching me struggle to speak. I have a poetry reading tomorrow and I'm nervous to read my two poems, which will only take maybe a minute. I will dread waiting all day until 4pm, until one by one everyone will recite their poems until it's my turn. Why did I include a word that starts with an "r", or "m", if I knew I couldn't even pronounce them? How can I be a poet if I can't even read my own fucking poems? I was even thinking the other day, is the voice I speak with my *real* voice? Or is it a voice I use out of fear of my stutter? If it is, then where the hell is my real voice? I'm tired of modifying my life to this bully's standards. I want my voice back. I want confidence. I want to read my poems without the slightest pause and in the loudest voice that people respect me. I want, for once, to not experience fear the day before a big presentation. I want my future students to have a confident teacher, not one who stutters. I started typing this with the intent of helping you out, but I'm afraid it's just a rant. I'm sorry man. But I hope that you and I will one day be able to get our confidence and speak without being afraid. You and I deserve that. We've lived our whole lives with this crutch--well I'm tired of it, and I know you are too. So let's kick our bully's ass and get our voice back! tl;dr Our stutter is a bully and he needs a good ass whoopin'.