Well you're certainly not alone. I'm kind of in a similar situation. Been stuttering since I was a toddler (as long as I can remember). Throughout grade school and into the 7th grade I attended speech therapy weekly. Throughout this time, although I stuttered, it was pretty mild. In therapy we'd do a lot of reading out loud and I'd read page after page without a hesitation or any problem. In grade school we'd often go around the class and read books out loud and I was able to do this fine. In middle school, I gave oral presentations in front of the class. It was practically unnoticeable unless I was nervous. I had a large group of friends and all of them said that they rarely ever noticed me stutter except on rare occasions. For whatever reason, I guess I thought I had it beat and at 13 I decided I didn't want to go to speech therapy any more. Since then it has gradually gotten worse and worse. In high school I was still able to give presentations, although I was a significantly more nervous as I was well aware my speech had become worse, even if it was still pretty mild. I had good days and I had bad days, but in general I was still pretty fluent. After I graduated high school, I decided I wanted to beat it and I went to the Hollins Communication Research Institute (HCRI) in Roanoke, VA. At the end of the program I was fluent, but I felt very uncomfortable NOT stuttering. I felt like every time I'd talk to someone they were taking mental notes waiting for me to trip up and as weird as it sounds I felt like a part of me was missing when I didn't stutter. I was able to maintain this fluency for about a month, but then just abandoned it because I felt uncomfortable. It was at this point where I accepted my stutter and acknowledged that I'd just have to deal with it. After all, it wasn't THAT bad and with a little confidence I felt I could power on through life managing it. Throughout college my speech continued to deteriorate and the facial ticks and convulsions that accompany my blocks became drastically more apparent. I'd have to request alternate assignments in lieu of class presentations or would have to let my group know my situation when group projects/presentations would come up. It was humiliating and degrading. I graduated from college and moved across the country for graduate school which is the stage of my life I'm at now. Ever since I moved my speech took a drastic turn for the worse. Where even on a "bad day" 3 years ago, I'd be able to get through a least a couple of words before blocking on something (usually an M, B, D or Str- word). Nowadays, every word is a struggle. I often stutter on separate syllables of words which was something I never had a trouble on in the past. I'd usually only have trouble starting words, but once started they'd flow out relatively easily. Where I used to be like *block* Pepperoni, nowadays it's more like Pep-*block*per- *block*-oni. It has made talking extremely frustrating and I'm frankly at my wit's end. I'm nearly 26 years old and my communication skills are worse than they were when I was 10. I'm going to be graduating with my Master's soon and I'll have to start looking for jobs, yet I can't even introduce myself to anyone and FORGET about talking on the phone. If a HR manager were to call me and try to set up an interview, I can't tell you confidently that I'd be able to force out the words for a reply. I feel like I wouldn't hire me, why would anyone else? I really feel like a prisoner to my speech these days. My good days now are far worse than the worst of my days a mere 5 years ago and there's really no other way to describe it as anything other than suffocating. I wish I had some advice or a light at the end of the tunnel for you, but I'm about as much in a dark spot as you are these days. Doesn't it make it so much worse that you know what it's like on the other side--where you're basically fluent and just have mild hiccups now and then, while now you can barely make it through a sentence? That's the worst part for me... it's as if we're locked in a cage, but we know what it's like to be free. As much as it sucks, we are more than our stutter. I have managed to be moderately successful despite my stutter, and I think the more you accomplish in life, the more impressed people are. Most people cannot imagine what it would be like to be in our position, and to thrive in spite of what really is a significant disability really shines favorably on us. People know we face adversity in every sentence, and while they may never understand the shame and humiliation that comes along with stuttering, our ability to keep on despite our impediment is really inspiring to most people unless they're just Grade A douchebags. So far in my life, the only person that has denied me something because of my stutter has been myself, not anyone else. People generally respect your struggle and are compassionate enough to see you for the person behind your impediment. So the more you can do to give your stutter a big middle finger, the better off you'll be and the more people will respect you for it.