One must imagine Sisyphus happy I'm 43 now, cancer survivor who has a symbolic 5cm diameter tumour on my thyroid. Removing the cancer and the thyroid didn't fix the stutter. The really seeing the big picture and assessing what my existence is helped. At that point I had a exhausting tour guide job, a drama degree, did extras work on game of thrones, was very social, had a long term relationship that was headed to marriage and kids and then I was forced to ask myself "what if I died today, would I die screaming?" The answer was yes. So every decision I have made since has been a redirection of purpose to flip that answer so I die ready and smiling however that happens because I will have lived my life and not a shadow someone I aspire to be. I ended the relationship, I stopped chasing validation through the approval of others. I live alone and for many years, until he passed away last November, it was just me and my trusty tabby cat. I'm still in a world of grief but have had time to reflect as for the first time in my life I am alone. And I'm okay with that, I am unapologetically me, I have time for my family and the few friends I keep and most all my time is spent is solitude grateful I have space to watch documentaries, read books, improve myself and satisfy the one audience member I'd ignored most of my life, the only one that really matters, myself. In that, for want of a better word, enlightenment, I found Camus and the five words that started this. One must imagine Sisyphus happy. Pick up the ball and run with it, or leave it on the ground, point is the answer to your question lies in understanding it's all your choice, it's your existence to make of what you want. That's not terrifying, its liberating. There's a universe inside. ✌️❤️