I have talked to him directly about this and we are in couples therapy. I do love him and I can agree that I am a lot more abrasive than I previously thought. I'm also not really sure what is going on, but his stutter was not this bad until relatively recently when he began getting treated for ADHD. It's so confusing and it seems to be better or worse depending on the day and the medication.  We are both trying to figure out what the heck to even do. So many of our old patterns are not working and we are trying new ones, but when most of the advice I've gotten is to pay attention and be patient... I'm really, really trying to find a middle ground that we didn't really need before. So I was asking for ideas from how to actually address this from people who were probably not the right people in retrospect. But I'm just so lost and we are both so frustrated.