I tried to hide it my whole life, I'm still trying.

I tried to hide it my whole life, I'm still trying. Ever since I was a little kid, stuttering was and still is my number 1 issue, I am not sure whether it's congenital, but what I'm sure of, I'll be more likely to be stuttering when somebody suprises me with "What's your name?!" I also freeze easily when I'm trying to do my seminar (Happened once in front of 200 people, most painful memory so far) ... I was also bullied alot during school, it got me angry and sad. From time to time, it makes me depressed that every word I gotta say it feels like carrying 1000 tons!!! Luckily im 95% ok when I get to know somebody actually, I'm less likely to stutter. Sometimes when I wake up from an afternoon sleep, that's when I really struggle with my words, I feel like letter fall off my tongue before I even pronounce them, I bet you guys can relate. ... But, my stuttering is a daily painful struggle in a shithole 3rd world country where nobody gives a fuck about disability (if it's that) I feel like I hold more than I could ever carry. Self confidence is currently absent because I gained weight, been feeling shit (always it's not the first time), overthinking about my future ALOT, having nightmares, sleep paralysis ALMOST daily, parents asking me to do great in college even though my studying capability somehow diminished... .... I can only talk decent if I'm overly confident but it's impossible... I am an outgoing person but all my good friends are away from me and thus covid screwed me up big time So basically 0 social skills. A lot changed since I was feeling ok and confident, nothing significant but it accomulates and really puts me in a depressing position...zero social skills, fat, even friends sometimes don't really mention me much as if I'm an introvert, despite that I try hard to mix in, it's really that depressing. Oh did I mention I'm Arabic? I speak arabic and it is so difficult for a person who stutters... My name is long and complex...it's basically torture... ... I'm a 4th year medical student and I am scared shtless from public encounters I feel like it limits my creativity and capacity to do great in my field. I can ace a paper exam no problem but anything oral here's where I really fall off. Me and parents did take it serious, got some meds for nerve strength but it was useless, so I wanted to share my life. It's not miserable or terrible, just depressing as f**k.