Hold on. Feelings like that are symptoms of depression. Have you sought emotional support? As a fellow stutterer, I recognize that my generalized depression causes everything else in my life, stuttering included, to go down the rabbit hole. Stuttering is only one of the things that adds to my deep depression when I need chemical ( prescribed medication) and support therapy. I recognize that when I am generally depressed, I feel that the only factor causing my hopelessness is my stutter. That's not true for me because once my emotions are stable, I can deal with my feelings about stuttering better. For me, things do look better with care. There are places in every community where free or very low-cost help is available. In most places, calling 211 on your phone accesses some care. If you aren't able to speak on the phone successfully, and have a friend or relative call for you. Good luck n