Content
So, should I cancel a date? Been going thru a rough time, have had a couple of big life changes the last year or so, one is a breakup with my gf since like 5 years. Things been adding up and I have had some kind of depression for a time. My mood can swing very much from day to day, or during the same day. I can be extra sensitive to social rejection, extra consious about my stuttering, which leads to more stuttering etc. I was out with a friend and his friends. It was a very mixed experience. On the one hand it was nice to get out, nice people and all that. On the other hand I didnt interact very much, when I didnt I stuttered alot which results in me not being able to be me. So this quite overwelming feeling of sadness came over me from time to time. Me feeling like this awkward outsider, who is missing out on life and social relationships and interactions. I´m sure some of you here have had that feeling? Anyway, seems like I might have a date this weekend. A girl I´ve been chating with online for some time. She seems funny and smart. But I dont know if that is a good idea considering the state Im in right now (well, I might feel good this weeked, or maybe not, hard to tell). If I´m having a bad day this whole thing might be ruined. On the other hand I dont know when I will be like "well" again, could take a year. Am I suppose to turn down those few dates I can get and want to go on during that time? She has suggested a walk on the beach and lunch in place I think is quite noisy and crowded. My stutter usualy gets worse with alot of people around and if its noisy. If other people can hear me, if I have to speak loudly or have trouble hearing what the other person is saying it usualy dont turn out well. A cup of coffey in a quiet coffyshop or a glass of whine while just hanging out at home usualy work best for me. I know I can be quite charming, funny and pretty smart. I have a couple of LTR behind me so I dont realy doubt myself there. Its that I have a huge problem giving that kind of impression. If we´re hanging out at home with a glass of wine its much easier to make a correct impression. If the stuttering happens to be very bad at the begining there´s usualy time for it to get better. A lunch is like "strike, you´re out!". What to do? (im gonna start thearapy btw)