hi! i’m 25 with a fairly severe stutter, and also with a lottttt of boy problems in my past hahah. reading your post is honestly awakening an inner child i thought i silenced a while back. this is what i wish someone had told me 10 years ago. 1.) your stutter is what you make of it. If you continuously think that your stutter is a flaw of who you are, it will control you and dominate every thought you have in a romantic setting. You don’t need to love it, but you can learn to utilize it for your own benefit and people will respect/admire you for it (maybe a few won’t.. but how they feel about you is NOT your responsibility). Coexist with it, and show yourself kindness while trying to reach the level of comfort you want to achieve. I used to hide my face and tear up whenever my stutter was talked about, and now I talk about it openly/make jokes/educate people about stutters with no problem. 2.) There are people out there who are fine with dating people who stutter (i’ve turned down multiple guys because they were shitty or i wasn’t into them), but the same rules about protecting yourself apply. If someone mentions your stutter in depth without you addressing it first, be careful. I’ve had men approach me and say “oh i researched stutters to know how to make you feel the most comfortable”… tread VERY carefully. Odds are that they are utilizing it because they know it’s likely a source of shame and can use it to manipulate you. 3. I’ve met and/or dated three guys with stutters that were as bad as mine over my life so far. They are no better than any regular boy lmao, just because they understand the unique struggles you have does not mean they are automatically a better person. 4.) Your stutter does not mean you are not worthy of love. *definitely getting glassy eyed at this point so please excuse any typos in advance* Every human being is hardwired to thrive when they have connections and love (platonic and non-platonic). There is no logical reason that should make you believe you deserve any less, because every grievance stems back to someone else thinking “i don’t like who i think you are”. Okay, and so what? I don’t think I like you either so why do I give a fuck? 5.) If your friends or family say something insensitive like that, CALL IT OUT. It doesn’t need to be an angry blowout (instead, ask them to repeat that, ask why they think their statement is okay, etc). The more you accept those types of interactions with people, the deeper the shame goes into your subconscious. And by GOD is it daunting to try and get it to resurface so you can heal. If you don’t nip that kind of thing earlier on in life, you WILL need to heal at some point. The body keeps the score. 6.) Everything may feel daunting sometimes, and I applaud you for being honest about knowing that you still feel unnecessary shame. Honestly? Sometimes talking about some level of discomfort you feel when mingling or meeting someone (within reason), whether it be a light joke or a simple “hey i have a stutter, please feel free to ask me any respectful questions or lmk if i have to repeat myself” can open up a lot of meaningful, powerful conversations. Most people are empathetic but often succumb to “trait ascription bias”, so you breaking that barrier reminds them that you are indeed another human with feelings too. And honestly, it makes you feel a little bit more human :) 7.) You still have so much farther to go. You will do SO MANY amazing things if you don’t let your stutter fully define you. Never let other people tell you anything about your experience, because it’s yours, and only yours, to define. 10 years ago at your age, I never thought I’d make it to 20 years old. I feared I would never get a job, have deep friendships, or have any meaning in life outside of survival. But today: I’m in a leadership role in a hospital lab where I’m educating people from all over the world, helping doctors diagnose sick people, I have a college degree, a professional license, I’ve given numerous presentations that have outshined my peers’ performance, i’ve caught mistakes and communicated in ways that have saved lives in high(ish) pressure environments. And I’m only a little farther along down my timeline than you are in yours :) 8.) This is more of a work-oriented piece of advice, but tread carefully when asking for accommodations. I’m lucky that I’m in a position now where I can ask for them, but i try to avoid it. They will most likely get bungled up or sabotaged in some way, and HR is not going to be on your side. Plus, it may end up embarrassing the HELL out of you depending on how your bosses help execute the accommodations. if you know you 100% need them, then go for it! But otherwise, do a lot of research and know your rights as a worker under the Americans with Disabilities Act. You can do this. It will get better in some ways (and maybe not in others, but that’s life after all). Feel free to PM me if you need big-sis-with-a-stutter advice. Sending you so much love as a mysterious stranger on the internet to another hahaha, and in a way.. my inner child says to stay gold 💛