postr/StutterJuly 9, 2024

Suicidal thoughts

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Content

Suicidal thoughts I’m a 28 year old male. I’ve stuttered my entire life and it makes life difficult. Yesterday I was having issues with my insurance and had to be on the phone with them while they had trouble understanding me due to my stutter. I ended up having to give the phone to my mother and she sorted it out. I’m ashamed that I had to have my mother take care of it for me. A 28 year old man. I don’t see a way out. My mom already takes care of my grandmother, and my step father who is fully capable of doing things on his own but he’s just lazy. She doesn’t need to be taking care of three people at once. She deserves better. I don’t want to die but at the same time I want a way out. I don’t know how to move forward through life if I can’t communicate properly. I don’t want to move forward with my life if I can’t even take care of my own problems. Being a cashier I always see the little smirks customers get whenever they hear me stutter and honesty it’s to the point where I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to talk to anyone verbally because it can be physically exhausting trying to get the words out. I’ve already looked into assisted suicide, unfortunately, from what I understand the states that allow it require a medical reason that I assume a stutter would not qualify for. I know people love me. And that’s okay. But the thing is, and I mean this with every ounce of my being.. the hate that I have for myself outweighs that love. I hate every ounce of my being. I truly feel as if I’m a waste of oxygen and space. I contribute nothing to society except maybe being a part time cashier. I understand people have it much worse and I applaud them for making it through but I’m simply not strong enough.

Themes

Anticipation & AvoidanceEmotional Experience

Subthemes

Avoidance & SubstitutionHiding & ConcealmentShame & EmbarrassmentSadness & HopelessnessHelplessness & AgencySuicidal Ideation & High Distress

Codes (1)

ordering_service_encounter