stuttering ruined my life, but im trying to fix it (please read)

stuttering ruined my life, but im trying to fix it (please read) alright sooo, im 15, i've been stuttering my whole life, when i was young (5) i began to stutter and my parents thought i was just fucking with them, later it became worse and worse and and they took me to several therapists but they didn't help, i was always smart, i knew how to sneak and do lots of shits like eavesdropping, i used to sit beside my mom waiting for my turn to talk with the therapists, i had to hear my mom talk with other people for hours but that's not the problem, the problem is that i had to hear her talking with other people about me, whenever she talks with someone she tells him my entire story and then when she finish talking those people keep looking at me with a strange look like if they're disgusted by me, that hurts my feelings, they didn't teach me how to talk with people, so i have problem with them, how to respond to that question? will i be able to talk to that dude? well i be able to talk to this girl?, my school was shit (all schools in my country actually) they don't teach you shit. **"here take these 4-10 books and this big ass backpack and go to school, now learn this stupid shit that has nothing to do with life and do 15 homeworks and pass stupid tests til you go to college and finish it to become something you don't like then go to the army and get out and do whatever you like, congratulations you wasted 20 years from your life, you're free to do anything now, you will probably work as a taxi driver because there's no other jobs available, have fun!"** i left middle school because of what i just said above, my friends are in high school now but they don't even remember what they learned in the middle school or in the elementary school, they think they are smart but they're just good at memorizing, heck you don't even need to learn anything in school you just need to memorize some questions and their answers to pass test, how are they going to be good doctors or engineers if they can only memorize? what if a new disease appeared? are they going to learn how to cure it or wait for someone else to do it? im dead from the inside, i don't care about anything anymore, my mother told all my siblings and everyone that shares my grandparents blood about my problems, and now they all think im stupid, i found out about the internet when i was 10, i talked with other people, learned how to talk from them (still can't really talk with strangers or my siblings, i only talk with people that have the same hobby as me, gaming) i did stupid things when i was kid, but, i was young! i was just a kid! just because i was some kind of stupid or childish when i was 6 or 5 that doesn't mean that i'll be like that forever, people still treat me like a stupid kid. im a pc gamer, i've been my whole life, my mom often blames the pc if anything happens to me or if i refuse to do anything for her, (mom i got a flu! - it's from this stupid pc!) - (mom im tired, i can't do *something* - it's from this stupid pc!) - (mom i accidentally sucked my friend dick and kept saying dirty jokes! no homo by the way - stupid pc!) when someone interrupts me when i try to speak with him i feel that i can't breathe and i feel pain in my head, i that also happens when i get angry and keep my feelings inside me, i have lots of problems that i wanna talk with people about but i can't, i talked to one of my friends about it and now he just don't talk to me anymore, i should have not talked to him about it. anyway, i im trying to forget all this shit because now i went to a REAL therapist, not like the idiots that i went to before, i'll learned how to breathe and think AND talk at the same time, im getting better and better, after all the things that happened to me in the past 14 years, i learned how to not give a fuck, and raise my middle finger whenever something happens, and have fun. please, PLEASE TALK, don't do the same mistake and stay quiet, if your parents are doing something wrong stop them, only do what you see is good for you. (btw, sorry if my grammar was bad or if i did some errors, i wrote all that really fast, also im really mad right now)