There and (on my way) Back Again, my story

There and (on my way) Back Again, my story I'm new to this subreddit, and I have these last few hours read a few of your life stories and it has really touched me. I have never really spoken out about my stuttering and how it affects me, so I hope to accomplish that and at the same time hopefully giving someone a new insight or two. I'm currently 20 years old, and my parents tell me that I have stuttered since I started school, which is 7 years in my country. I always had a very mild stutter, my parents would tell me I would outgrow the stutter and I didn't really have any problems with getting friends. Of what I can remember, I was a very social, happy and talkative child. I was fortunate enough not to get bothered about my stutter until I was about 12 years of age. I still remember the day when one of my teachers asked me a question before the class, and then started mocking me when I started stuttering. I remember the emptiness inside for the first time, but luckily enough, I actually got support by my classmates after class. I wasnt really bothered by it after that either, I always had friends and I guess I was kind of the class clown those years, up to about 16 when I changed school to a different city (at 16 we get to choose different schools with specific focuses, for example some people go to sports schools and some to IT schools where you learn programming). It all changed a little for me since I suddenly knew no one in the whole school, which put me outside my comfort zone. I started to get really aware of my stuttering and didn't want anyone to know about my stutter. That meant that I avoided speaking too much, specifically infront of the class which is where I usually stutter more. If the teacher would point me out in class to answer a question, I would simply say "I don't know" to avoid speaking to much, even though I knew the answer. I got more and more introverted and started sitting more at the computer to avoid any awkward moments in my free time. By this time I got depressed, partially because of the stutter (I didn't realize this then, I was depressed because I had a hard time meeting new friends and lost contact with my old ones, and I didn't realize this was because of the stutter). I was depressed for about two years, and during this time I took a break from school and eventually quitting completely. I would bascially just sit by the computer every day, ashamed of the depression (didn't tell anyone besides my family which I understand now pulled me down even more. I still had/have a few close friends from my childhood, but for some reason I was too ashamed to tell them about this.). My stutter still wasnt very bad by then as far as I can remember. I then met a girl, at the most unexpected of times. I guess this is what helped me out from the depression, but I still had very bad self esteem. Turned out she really wasnt a very good person and she made sure I knew that I had nothing to be proud of and she was also the first person to consistently "bully" me about my stutter by imitating my stuttering and laughing sometimes when I did. Even though, I stayed with her for almost a year(I can't believe this now, but I was very lonely by then). I understand now that she wasnt feeling well and was acting out because of that so I do not hold any grudges against her, but I am guessing that this is what caused my stutter to get alot worse. From the time when we broke up, which is about 1½ years ago, my stutter has become alot worse. Most days I couldnt even speak a short sentence without getting blocked at pretty much every word. This from someone who used to speak almost fluently. Even though I wasn't really depressed anymore I started isolating myself again. I didn't even want to see my friends, afraid that they would not want to hang out with me anymore if my stutter got too much. I started seeing a speech therapist for a little more then 6 months ago, finally deciding to give it all to get my life back on track. She gave me some techniques to try out, some worked and some didn't as much. I since then read out loud for atleast an hour a day, which I would say have made a huge impact on me. I also started processing and attempting to heal the wounds my ex girlfriend caused me. I think these two methods have worked great for me, and I can proudly say that my stutter has gone down to mild-medium and hopefully on it's way down even more. My goal is to be completely free from the stutter. I know alot of both stutterers and speech therapists say that the best way to go about is to accept the stutter, but I don't think I can do that for now. I still feel too limited by my stutter, and my confidence is still too low to accept it - maybe in the future. I want to go out and enjoy the world. Meet new people, experience things and live a life I am satisfied with. For me, the stutter is a huge obstacle in the pursuit of this, and that is my I am going to give 100% to overcome it, one way or another. For me the worst part about the stutter is that it doesnt feel like people understand how damn annoying this is for me. I tried to speak my mind to a friend, and he basically said that "I don't think it's very bad, I'm not that disturbed by it.". I'm sure they don't mean anything bad, the opposite actually, but it would be so eazing to feel understood. That someone understands what you're going through, the anxiety about not living up to your potential, being judged and the feeling ashamed. I know I shouldn't be ashamed, but I am and can't do anything about it. ** I realize this is an extremely long post and not very well written (structuring posts is not my strong side), so I don't take no offense if no one can be arsed to read it. I guess it's written in part to get myself some peace of mind. If anyone actually read this, thank you for reading my story and if you don't think I am too weird, feel free to leave a comment/question/rant**