Matrixman, I somewhat know what you're going through. Ive recently gone through an extremely rough period with my speech too. It doesn't take me 10 minutes to say a sentence. But even the easiest sentences take me minutes to say. But carrying a notepad is only going to reinforce the fear and make you feel more powerless. Im not saying taking away the notepad will help right away, but having it definitely wont help you overcome your stutter/feelings. It sounds like you've been having a really rough time and I strongly recommend some professional help. Speech Pathologist. Psychologist. Meditation leader. Personal mentor. Anyone is better than no one. You need to be as proactive as you can and reach out as much as you can. Contact the NSA. Check out this site: http://www.masteringstuttering.com/. Pick up books to read. There are several very good books which you can get online for free. You gotta try some new action my man, which sucks to hear because if you're anything like me, all that does is create more fear and resistance. But if you're at a point where you can't take it anymore, thats a perfect place to begin the comeback.