What you’re saying makes sense. Not liking how your voice sounds could be attributing to your stutter-like disfluencies, and this could be why you’re experiencing blocks at this age now, since feeling this way. As for why this occurs outside of reading and not when reading, this could be attributed a few reasons (if none are relevant, feel free to say): 1. Experiencing anxiety in conversations in comparison to reading due to the nature of back-and-forth dialogs which requires one speaker to have their turn while the other listens and the speaker must then think of what to say, which differs to reading aloud a text where everything is already pre-planned. 2. (A common one). People who have undergone therapy for stuttering and have been taught to slow down their speech may be left feeling as though their voice is monotonous or ‘monotone’ (flat) in nature. Common feelings are that it feels unnatural, and almost robotic. This more than anything leaves the person feeling as though their voice doesn’t represent them. With that knowledge in mind, I’m then thinking about the rise and fall intonations you may have when reading (which you enjoy) which you may feel you don’t have when in conversation. In addition to this, 14 is usually when puberty takes place and male voices deepen, increased awareness on how an individual is perceived by others, and more awareness on how one perceives themselves (how you think others view your voice and how you view your own voice). If around this time you developed a negative perception of how your own voice sounds, this can absolutely feed into blocks. Blocks often stem from fear + control. Repetitions happen when speech “runs ahead.” Blocks often happen when speech is being held back. When you say: *”I have this inner fear about speaking”* This informs me something important. Fear activates the bodies threat system: - muscles tighten - breathing shifts - timing changes - laryngeal tension increases And when you think about what a block is, physically: It’s tension in the speech system which prevents airflow and voicing from starting. So if you have an internal “don’t mess this up” or “I hate how my voice sounds” thought happening, your system may be subtly bracing before speech begins. That bracing = block. Furthermore… The reading-with-your-dad clue is huge You said: *”Sometimes when I practice reading with my dad, I get it and instantly go from stuttering to speaking fluently.”* This information means that your speech mechanisms work (nothing is damaged). When fear drops, fluency increases. This pattern is consistent with anticipatory tension (not a new neurological disorder). The “inner fear you can’t describe” A lot of people struggle to name it, but it’s often one of these: - Fear of losing control mid-word - Fear of sounding stuck - Fear of sounding weak - Fear of being judged - Fear of not sounding how you want to sound - Fear of your voice not matching who you think you are When you started disliking your voice, you may have started monitoring it. Monitoring → tension Tension → block Block → frustration Frustration → more monitoring That becomes a loop. Why you can’t “keep it going” Because you’re trying to hold onto fluency. And trying to hold onto fluency creates tension. Fluency under low fear is natural. Fluency under “I need to keep this going” becomes forced. Blocks often increase when someone: - Tries to prevent them - Tries to control every onset - Tries to sound perfect This is important: It’s not that your blocks are fake. They’re very real. But they’re heavily influenced by your internal reaction to speaking.