When I was younger, I had maybe three guys that I considered friends. Even though I was known in the group as the "funny kid", I never really talked to anyone either. I can understand your feeling of not having an opinion, by reading what you've written, I can see you have a good grasp of language so really the only thing that I would suggest would be to "get out of your head." Sometimes you just have to do something as painful as it is, and just kinda "fake it till you make it."