You’re going through a negative feedback loop. Everytime you end up stuttering when you try to speak, you feel bad about it and kick yourself, this perpetuates your body to physically react to speaking as an extreme fear inducing engagement. So essentially your fight, flight or freeze system is working in overdrive, and you’re unwittingly making it worse every time you stutter. The good news is this is well known phenomena that causes social anxiety and phobia. Getting over this is a process but it can be done. Our stutter complicates things, but trust me, it can be managed as well. I’d recommend a therapist specializing in social anxiety or any other type of anxiety. Please also pick up some books related to social anxiety. Those really helped me understand some of these symptoms that I was going through.