You say you don't want to go to therapy or speech therapy, and I get that, really, I do. For some reason there is still a lot of stigma attached to therapy and can make some people feel like they're fucked up if they go to therapy (that's how it is for me). But as you've explained your issues, I think you **really** need to reconsider. A therapist can help you work through some of that anxiety. If you tell them you don't want drugs, then you won't get drugs. Yes, breathing exercises and meditation can help too, but guidance from a professional will be invaluable, both with the anxiety from stuttering and the anxiety/self-confidence issues that come from your sexual orientation. Also, know that you're not alone. Everything that you're feeling here is legitimate and very real, in no way am I trying to detract from that...but a lot of us have been where you are and we know what it's like. We know how hard it is to deal with this disability (because as you said, that's really what it is) with almost no support or understanding from society. It's good that you're posting here. Hopefully you stick around a bit and see that there are more people very similar to you, many of whom are working through these same issues and finding success. If they can do it, so can you. In the meantime, look into local groups for stutterers. The National Stuttering Association has a bunch of local groups made up of people who stutter. You might need to travel to your nearest big city, but that could be a good, stress free way to talk about your experiences, and just to talk in general. In addition, consider going to the conference that the NSA holds. This year it's in Atlanta ([link](http://www.westutter.org/annual-conference/)). I haven't been, but I've heard that is a great community and probably for the first time in your life you won't stand out as "that girl who stutters", because almost everyone there does! Keep your head up.