every time OP thinks "too late for that", he must consider the possibility that it might actually be a small win. too late to go back to order the right thing, maybe that's right. but just listen. the attitude should be "oh, so that's what you wanted to order" and not "don't tell me this now! this is pointless!" and there's a possibility that sometimes she was simply explaining her situation and OP immediately framed that as lazy complaining just because she was indeed complaining the other times. For example, "Why doesn't she say so herself in the moment? You guessed it... Her stutter." this one sounds like a case of legit explanation not landing on OP's head. Not 100% sure, I'm just saying that's a possibility. So, in order to make clear the difference between the "she just won't speak" silence and the "she's getting there, just wait for her" block, the couple should at least agree upon some gesture system to indicate that, and OP definitely should adjust expectations about how long the blocks can be. (I wish there was a universal gesture. asshole elders usually think I'm just giving them silence treatment, no I wasn't the first time, but now I am. )