How tf have i not yet taken my life

How tf have i not yet taken my life Every day i ask myself how I am still tolerating this shit. How ive not yet shot myself. I see people do it bcs of waay less problems like relationships, losing a job or no reason at all. Not saying i want to do it, just saying i think i have a really valid reason to do it. i have no idea where i get the strength to keep going