I have a severe stutter and everyday is a struggle talking. Everyday I put myself out there and do what I need to do. If I don’t then no one else will do it for me. I got into programming thinking I wouldn’t need to talk much. My goal was to sit quietly in the corner and work. The problem is that people kept making silly decisions and I couldn’t live with that so I started piping up. I used a whiteboard to get ideas across when fluency failed me. I became a team leader, now I manage the technical work of about 50 people. I am expected to present every few weeks to a hundred or so people. I struggle but I get on with it. My colleagues prep for 30 minutes before a talk. I prep for a full day. I practice my talks literally 50 times so it almost becomes an automatic thing to say. I still stutter a lot but I get good feedback. Life is a journey. It sounds like you have put yours on hold pining for your ex, unwilling to a make a career choice and bemoaning that you are in this situation. What content do you want to make? Why don’t you just do it. Live streaming might be a bit much but remember that you will have 0 viewers to begin with so you get to practice on low numbers. YouTube might be a reasonable option. You can record yourself multiple times. If anything it is bound to help with your confidence. I say all this because when I was 18 I was desperately lonely and depressed, I didn’t see how I could function. One day I tried because I couldn’t go on living how I was and I found the world came to me. I look back now and see a wasted 18 months of my life. My life is far from perfect, I had to collect a pizza today and I literally took 60 seconds to say my name… it’s alright though, I got my pizza. I expect a lot of people that stutter would be far happier if they escaped the “my stutter is holding me back” mindset and instead got to “what can I do to overcome my stutter?” For me it is always putting myself forward, it is self advertising, using aids like whiteboards and constantly practising things I want to talk about. I hope you find happiness and a way forward soon.