I’ve felt all the things you are feeling, and still do, depending on where I’m at in my mood/stuttering cycle. It often feels like two steps forward, one step back, both in my mindset and my management of it. I’ve felt hopeless and suicidal over it as well. Especially in the wake of a really bad period or humiliating moment (my last name is often the killer, so things like job interviews, etc., often feel like a tightrope walk). I most feel for you in the hell of the “trying to figure it out” spin cycle. Not just what caused your stutter and how you can *fix* it, but whether you’re being a baby about it, whether it’s as disabling as you think or if you’re just being a victim. “Did I lose this job/opportunity because of it, or is my perception skewed?” “Do I make everyone uncomfortable?” I do the same thing, turning those thoughts over and over. Honestly, and this isn’t what I want to accept either, I think the only path forward is self-acceptance, where fluency isn’t the goal, and we’re able to stutter openly and unashamedly. In my experience, any kind of pressure or trying to fix mindset only makes it worse. I think there is probably a genetic component to stuttering, but also a big psychological one. The more you seek to control it, the more it controls you. It’s brutal. That said, you could continue using speech tools, exercises, etc., but just try not coming to it from a place of trying to “fix” it, if that makes sense. It’s not necessarily a one thing or the other deal. Practice and take action, while also trying to accept it. Way easier said than done, I know. Sorry if any of this rings hollow. Deep down, I still want to be fluent as well. I’d really like to learn to just own it though. Don’t know if you’ve ever listen to the StutterTalk podcast, but I listened to an episode recently that had an impact. It’s episode 720 - Stuttering Recklessly: Doing the Hard Work of Change. It might give you some food for thought.