commentr/StutterJuly 16, 2013

Content

My mother tongue is Hindi. I am from India so I guess my english is not that bad :) And I feel I should apologize for generalizing things a bit in my earlier comment. The most enigmatic thing about stuttering is how differently it affects every individual who has it. This adds to the beauty of it in a way ( esp for those who study and make a career out of it like slp) but for those affected it makes for a quite lonesome experience. Atleast I feel that no body gets me. Whenever I hear something like " Oh I didn't even notice that you stutter" I feel a bit angry and alienated at the same time. This feeling used to be quite strong in my teenage years but it has come down quite a bit after college. It's great that you haven't limited yourself because of your stutter. Above all you seem to be positive and upbeat about everything and that I feel is the most important thing. The past year has been brutal to me both emotionally and speech wise. I was in a dead end IT job, I got infatuated by a girl who absolutely had no feelings for me( which as you might guess resulted in a lot of hurt for me) and I just kinda withdrew from everything. I slacked at work ( even missed it many a times) and ended up getting fired ( the day before my birthday). Obviously I haven't told my parents about it so that is another source of guilt for me. But now as I look back I realize that all I did was hold up my feelings and stopping myself from letting others know how and what exactly I feel, you know. This fact became particularly evident to me as I looked back upon the relationship I had with the girl I fancied. It was like she and I were not on the same page and I had no one else but me to blame for that. And I know my stuttering played a big role in that. I guess if I had been open about my stuttering from the beginning with her she would not have misunderstood me. But now I try to take all that as a learning experience. I have been going to speech therapy since I was let go from the company I used to work( about 3 months ago). I guess I have been having a lot of revelations about myself and my speech since :)

Themes

Anticipation & AvoidanceEmotional ExperienceTherapy & Professional

Subthemes

Avoidance & SubstitutionSadness & HopelessnessHelplessness & AgencySeeking Therapy