How I successfully managed my stuttering

How I successfully managed my stuttering Note * What works for me, may not work for you * This is my personal experience * Not interested in debates \[again: what works for me, may not work for you\] * Not native English ​ **Backstory** Ever since I can remember, I stuttered. From my childhood up to my adulthood. During that time-span I applied many techniques such as pretending that I was thinking, pretending that I forgot what I wanted to say, changing my wording, pretending that I had nothing more to say, etc etc. I rather avoided any form of communication where your speech is necessary. On a scale of 0 to 10, I was at 7/8. Phone calls were mostly hell-ish. In-person communication was less hell-ish, but still enough to make the other person \[and yourself\] cringe medium-hard. I get it, stuttering makes you want to pull your hair out at times, it can be extremely frustrating \[emphasis on extremely\]. ​ **Where am I now** On a scale of 0 to 10, I am at 1/2. * Phone calls are mostly fine * In person communication is mostly fine * I barely rely on techniques anymore. \[I only rely on the tips I will share below\] * I feel free when I talk * I rarely stutter anymore I can also describe it that I talk how a normal person talks, but sometimes with a bit more stiffness here and there. I can also describe it as the following: a person manages to pass the first interview for salesman, but gets turned down in the second interview because his speech is not fluid enough to be a salesman. ​ **How I turned it around** By experimenting, I found that the tips below work for me: ​ **1.Pause** While talking I barely took any pauses. I used to think that pauses makes a conversation awkward and that the other person loses their attention. But not taking any pauses is probably a crucial mistake. I discovered that pauses while talking are **VITAL**! Why? It gives you the opportunity to slow down your tempo \[to check your tempo\], manage your breathing \[to check your breathing\], and to relax. More on those later. How many pauses? The moment you think you are going to stutter...pause! At the start you are going to be conscious of it, over-time the pauses become more automatic. ​ **2.Slow down** While talking I sometimes talked fast or not at a level where I wanted to be. I did it to keep the conversation interesting. I was afraid that If I would not match up to the tempo that the other person expects me to, then they would lose interest. By slowing down you do these things: manage your breathing and relax. How much to slow down? As much as you think is necessary! I am personally between slow-ish to average. ​ **3.Breath** While talking I sometimes figured that I did not get enough air. Because I was talking at a speed I was not comfortable with and because I was tense \[not relaxed enough\] How to breathe while talking? As you normally would and perhaps focus more on the breathing to make sure it goes well. If you need some air, take some air! Breath when and how you want to breath! ​ **4.Relax \[Don't Care Too Much About People\]** I discovered that all the above \[not taking enough pauses, not slowing down enough, not breathing enough\] is perhaps largely determined by how much you care about what the other person thinks You DON'T need to match the other person in anything. STOP matching the person in conversation. BE you when you are talking, meaning be at your own COMFORTABLE pace, own COMFORTABLE breathing, own COMFORTABLE pauses, etc. Talk how YOU are COMFORTABLE with! In essence, when you stop caring, you are more likely to apply above tips \[pace, breath, etc\] and also you relax more. I don't know why stress affects stuttering but it does. So relax as much as possible, and this is perhaps mainly done by not caring too much about people. ​ **5.Self-esteem/Confidence** This is somewhat more difficult variable to deal with but still you can influence it. Yes, I get it, it is a vicious loop. You have no confidence in your communication skills because you stutter and you stutter because you have no confidence in your communication skills. I believe both confidence in communication skill and general self-esteem have their power. But I believe, by applying above tips, you gain more confidence in communication skills \[because you are less likely to stutter\]. And therefore also more general self-esteem. Sooner or later you will pop out of the viscous cycle. ​ **Last words** I did not explain the exact science behind each tip, but in my experience they help. ​ Good Luck!