Along the lines of radical self-acceptance, some wisdom that a general therapist shared with me that, when I had first heard it, sort of brought me to tears and even invokes some deep emotion in me right now is effectively (in my own words): "If you were your own best friend, how would you treat yourself? Would you be patient, compassionate, kind, and forgiving? Would you be there for your best friend in their time of need? Would you pump up their confidence when they were feeling low? Think to treat yourself as you would a very close, good friend. Internally, try to speak to yourself as if you were that very close, good friend. Because you are." Your relationship with your sister sounds similar to my relationship with my step-brother who is basically my same age. We grew up together and influenced each other immensely - speech included, though he doesn't have a regular stutter. It's been cathartic for me to speak to him at times about my speech and to basically just share my internal thoughts and even insecurities with it. For as close as we've always been, we both have learned things about it from each other through discussing perceptions about it, techniques with it, etc etc. For instance, he really didn't realize in all the different ways in which I have had to improvise and adapt my speech with synonyms and alternate phrasings and essentially acting to save face when I have a stumble. He reminds me that he doesn't even think about it because I'm just me and when we're talking, we're just talking. It's nice to even just think about it as a way to vent some of the tension out of it to occasionally talk about it. The control thing is a tough one. You're probably familiar with the concept, but it's kind of like the harder you try to grab ahold of and squeeze something, the easier it is for it to slip through your fingers. I'd say both my wife and I are perfectionists in different arenas and it's sometimes really difficult to just relinquish that control because often times you associate control with comfort, happiness, etc. But it can cause a lot of anxiety and stress, and a lot of even physical tension in your body, which then has a negative feedback loop effect which can lead you into a bit of a death spiral. A lot of people tend to carry that tension in specific parts of their body - their jaw, shoulders, gut, etc. All these places, at least for me, affect my speaking ability. So I'd say the control thing can obviously take a while to adapt, but if you can in the meantime do things like rolling your shoulders, opening and rolling your jaw, breathing deeply into your diaphragm, and other techniques to release some of the tensions as a way to counteract the physical toll of it all, that'll help you on your way. For me I basically just see my stutter now as something pretty much outside of my control. There'll be seasonal and situational changes that'll affect my fluency here and there, but I basically just don't think about it anymore, which is obviously very liberating. As a kid, it's all I could basically ever think about and I remember feeling so paralyzed by it - waiting my time to speak and overthinking and rehearsing exactly what I was going to say before I said it, etc. I was gripping onto it waaaay too tightly. My current situation is very-very different and I'm relieved. I don't know if this'll be relatable or sound silly, but something an old manager said to me about the fear of flying that stuck with me was basically: that in the unlikely event of a plane malfunctioning for any reason, there's really nothing you can do to control the situation yourself. The pilot is very skilled and experienced and has every incentive to preserve their own life as much as yours and your fellow passengers, so trying to accept your own lack of control and even inability to wrestle back that control in that situation can allow you to just be a bit more at ease in the 99.999+% of the time you're typically flying. It allows you to not be in a constant state of tension, waiting for a plane crash that will realistically never come. And just to give a bit more context about how I give people a heads up about my stutter, I don't go out of my way to do it. Like I obviously don't with reckless abandon carry a sign on my forehead saying "I'M A STUTTERER". Like you, I try to avoid painful indignities when I can. The most appropriate cases for me have been when interviewing for jobs and dating like you've said. For work-related things, I basically just want to put them at ease that my mental faculties are not at all hampered and also that I'm not any more nervous than I should regularly be despite what my stutter might outwardly indicate. In the case of dating when I was doing that 10 years ago and more, I was using online dating sites like OKCupid and my typical operating model was to not really reveal my stutter until I'd made a strong connection with the person through messaging first and when we'd had a number of back-and-forths. Really, if you can do it, and I know it's going to be based on how pronounced your stutter tends to be, but if you can wait until the first face-to-face to tell them, I'd recommend that. Getting that immediate tension release right off the bat on a first date beats revealing it in a pre-date message where you're left worrying and wondering what your date might be thinking, etc. Plus, you'll get the added benefit of your wonderful, beautiful in-person presence to add to the mix. I'd typically say something like: "Hey, it's so nice to finally meet you in-person. I did just want to share with you, and it's not a big deal, but I've got a bit of a stutter / speech impediment that you may or may not pick up on and I didn't want to leave you wondering." One huge recommendation in regards to dating that I would recommend to anybody - stutterer or non-stutterer - is to break from the typical date format of drinks, coffee, or a meal. When you end up just meeting face-to-face like that, it ends up feeling like an interview and not like a natural interaction. It's especially stressful and intensely focused for a stutterer too because it feels like you're put under a microscope. The best dates I ever had were with my now-wife and the very first date we had was just going on a walk together. It allows you a lot of freedom to either keep it short or to allow it to organically go longer. We wound up going for a long walk, stopping at one point to grab some tea at a café, and then eventually getting dinner together. The only thing on the initial agenda was the walk and the walk itself allows both you and your date to be engaged with the world around you while still having natural conversation and not having to strictly face one another, hanging onto every word or silence. Anyway, so sorry for the wall of text, but I'm just thrilled to be able to connect with another human being and to share some hopefully useful wisdom. I really like the mantra of "Be who you needed when you were younger".