My stuttering came back and its worst then before. Im feeling like i am in pit of despair.

My stuttering came back and its worst then before. Im feeling like i am in pit of despair. Hello, I have been battling with stuttering since the age of 15. Now I am 26, and the stuttering still catches up with me. Sometimes, it feels like I have no stutter at all, and then there are times when I can't speak. It's like a rollercoaster — I go up and down, but every time I fall, it feels more devastating than ever. I've had a lot of victories over my stutter, but man, it feels horrible when I'm back at the bottom. I'm almost starting to have suicidal thoughts because it's like waking up from a nightmare, finally feeling happy that you can live normally, and then it hits you back into the same nightmare, but much, much worse. I'm starting to lose this battle, guys.