Sorry for your loss.I completely relate with everything that you said,I’m at similar place in life right now.I would give the same advice to young people to really fail forward and use it as fuel.You are in your early 30s,you are still young,you can still change things around. I’m a severe stutterer like I struggle in most areas of life.I recently had a thought in a moment of depression that our stutter is not really that bad and we can beat it,at least the mindset and the rest will follow.There is millions of disabled people in this world and some will never recover or heal no matter how much they try.Blind people,mute/deaf people,paraplegic etc.Stutterers definitely can since we are able to communicate a little.We have to change our relationship to our stutter and reprogram our minds. I’m currently reading a book by Lee Lovett(not advertising) and I agree with some of his approach:Reading out loud everyday(To get to hear yourself speaking fluently) and doing self hypnosis/meditation telling yourself that you speak perfectly and/or you are getting better everyday(Our stutter is 80-90% our subconscious mind)And push yourself to go out there as well.You get the idea?I have started meditating 20 mins everyday and internally saying something positive about me or my speech and I’m starting to feel a mind shift.I will report back my progress. I truly believe we can all beat it in a controlled environment where we feel safe and understood instead of people pushing u around and making you feel that you are not trying hard enough.Love to you all