Dude, you don't have to be ashamed of yourself for crying. This shit gets emotional, not being able to express yourself through words is one thing most people have no idea about. No idea how it feels to have an idea and want to express that as simply and easily as you seem able to, but just cant. I feel your pain every single day. Every day some cute girl talks to me, everytime I need to ask my manager at my job something. Hell, I almost didn't get the job because I sounded fucking stupid and incompetent at the interview. I only got the job after I incessantly went to the store and asked how my application was coming along and my best friend worked at the place and told the managers I wasn't a complete retard. It's terrible man, I have these self-defeating thoughts everyday and even when a disabled veteran tried talking to me, he asked if I had an accident, trust me, it doesn't get better, but your reaction to it does. That is all we have control over, how we respond to these pitfalls. I have no advice because I dont know how to deal with my own shit, all I can say are things that I think make sense, but I cant even actually try because I'm too busy worrying about my fucking speech. I've tried drugs, those didn't help, in fact they hurt my psyche, which I think is where these blocks come from, for me at least, the fear of stuttering far outweighs actually stuttering. It's just you get stuck on a sound, an idea and you tihnk, you know you are gonna fuck up and you do. Sometimes hearing other people's struggles just makes me feel a litle better and some of that tension is released. It is the greatest mystery in my life, but not all things are worth knowing or going through your entire life constantly fixated on why you cannot talk fluently will only make those thoughts more incessant and louder. I dont even know where I'm going with this, your story jsut made me want to vent, so thanks for that, I definitely got some relief just typing this. Best of luck to you man, this sub is great for support and just recognizing the thing most people never see.