postr/StutterOctober 7, 2016

Dating Advice from an old stutterer

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Dating Advice from an old stutterer I see a lot of questions about dating and how to approach it when you have a stutter so I decided to post about it. I am lucky enough to have gone on lots of dates and hookups in college and here's what worked for me. Actually, this will work for anyone. Stutter or not. Instead of going from zero to ten and trying overnight to be a smooth operator, which is completely unrealistic, I just became friends with lots and lots of girls. And not in a sleazy, manipulative pick up artist kind of way either. No. I genuinely became friends with girls from class, regardless of whether or not I had feelings or interest. To me, they were my friends just like any other friend. Sure, there were a couple that I liked, but save that for later. By becoming genuine and authentic friends with girls, you accomplish a couple things. 1.) You get used to being around female company. This is good for when you meet new girls who you may like. You will know what to say, when to shut up, what to pay attention to and etc. Sure, you will still be nervous but you'll get used to how to talk to women very fucking fast, how to pick up on what they're feeling and they will pick up stuff from you. Every girl that I've ever been friends with has found my stutter to be endearing, which made me seem vulnerable and sensitive and not like "most men." This is a good thing. And you probably are sensitive because you know the pain of being isolated all the time. 2.) You will be a better person for it. I'm not making a blanket assumption about every guy, but a lot of guys have been conditioned to think of women as pure sex objects on a pedestal. Not cool. Everyone is the same. I taught myself that by becoming friends with all girls. Didn't matter what they looked like or anything, just as long as they were decent human beings and got along with me. That's the only thing that should matter. I listened to their problems and they listened to mine. 3.) After being friends with lots of girls, my friend circle would get bigger. I became popular because I was always sitting with girls in front of the library and that just drew more girls around the campfire. This will boost your confidence like crazy. It's good to feel confident. It's good to know that you can make your gal pals laugh. Your gal pals will stick up for you too. After sharing yourself with them, they will sympathize with your problems and big you up in front of other girls. I think we are all very compassionate inside because we understand what it feels like to be shunned. So being friends with girls makes perfect sense. I just want to stress the fact that this isn't pretending. This is being human and tearing down these imagined walls of division. Forget about stupid shit like being friendzoned. Forget about trying to glean shit from her through social media or tells or reading her micro expressions or any of that pseudo dating bullshit. And most importantly, forget this very callous "bro" mentality and stop talking shit about girls when you're with your buddies. It's fucking immature. You can do better than that. We've all human beings and we all deserve respect. All you need to know about girls, you can already get by just talking and listening to them. And vice versa. Just be yourself and be nice and be kind and don't expect anything. But don't be a doormat and don't get used either. Just connect with another human being and start from there. Don't be clingy. Don't be creepy. Don't ask for her number. Trust me, she will give it to you. Don't complicate things. Smile. Make eye contact. Always be honest. If you start off the right way, then she and her friends are going to see you accurately and honestly and that is the best place to start. No tricks. No deception. No lies. Keep it light. Keep it wholesome. Plus, being friends with women is fun as hell. They're funny, quippy, kind, and UNDERSTANDING and not so fucking scary after all. It's a welcome change from having to bro it out all the time. Today, I still have those female friends even though I'm ten years removed from college because they're my real friends and have added so much quality to my life that I am so glad I wasn't afraid to put myself out there. Dating will come easy after you've bonded time and time again with your gal pals. It just will. You just gotta start somewhere sensible and why not female friendship. Plus, when other women notice that you're always around other women in an awesome friendly capacity, they will think so highly of you and respect you and most importantly, feel comfortable around you!

Themes

Community & SupportCoping & AdvocacyIdentity & DisabilitySocial & Relationships

Subthemes

Advice OfferedValidation & EmpathyMindset shiftAcceptance & PrideDating & Romance