Hey 56, definitely sounds rough. And telling yourself there are worse things out there usually doesn't make us feel better, maybe only more guilty for feeling how we feel. Well it's ok to feel these thoughts when they come but you're right to know that you can't stay there. Can I ask you how long you've been "making progress"? I think the big issue is you're trying to control something that is just a part of you. And I can't blame you. we learn at one point or another, from one person or another that stuttering is bad/wrong/undesirable and we try to pass for fluent. we develop a whole bunch of tricks (filler words, repeating sentences, looking away, ...) that seemed to work for a time and then became ingrained in our habit, making it that much more of a mess. The question I ask if, is you take away all the bad feelings and all the anxiety and the worries of what people think and you're just left with the stuttering, how bad is that really? Stuttering itself doesn't look stupid. I dont know how many people you know who stutter but i've met plenty who just stutter without turmoil and it's the same thing as talking to anyone else, except they show disfluencies. but without the struggle and worry and fear it's just something they do. which makes sense since they and we ARE people who stutter. trying to control it with a bunch of techniques or hide it with a bunch of tricks isn't helping us. Not in the long term at least. It just puts fluency on an even higher pedestal and disfluency all the more traumatic. well it doesn't have to be traumatic. I'm glad you're not giving up, but by aiming so much for fluency you may be setting yourself up for failure and all the accompanying feelings. I dont know if you talk about your stuttering with your girlfriend, but have you asked her before how she feels about it? How big of a deal it is to her? My guess is that she knows its something you do and accepts that. She's not with you because you've been able to mostly pass for fluent. she's with you because of you, not your fluency. my recommendation to you is the same to most, because I do think it's the best resource available. If you live in the US, go to the NSA annual conference. This year it's in Chicago during the first week of July. Check it out and GO! you won't regret it. I dont know anyone who has. Secondly, check out the stuttertalk.com podcast. Peter Reitzes does a great job and he gets it. He's able to get on some of the top people in the stuttering world as guests and I think it's an invaluable resource. Best of luck, 56. But know, there are options out there beyond fluency to get to what you want.