Thanks for the reply. I completely agree with you and I am already in the same mindset as in, the only true change can come from inside and what it really takes is for us to own our stutter. It makes us unique, it's a natural filter for fucking off all the ass holes in life and drawing in the good people who overlook a stutter for the person behind it. I feel like I may have came across as, my aim is to get medication from the doctor in the hopes that my stutter will be cured. This was my mindset a year ago when I went into therapy. I was hoping I would be cured and live a great life. As I've matured, I've realised a stutter does not stop me from living. The stutter does not stop me from being happy. It's anxiety that is making me scared of phone calls, ordering food, talking to people etc and not my stutter. I'm at the point where I've strongly considered taking Mdma and weed to ease my anxiety although I know that's a terrible idea. I'm at the point where my anxiety is so bad, I feel like everyone is staring at me, every laugh I hear immediately means they must be laughing at me. Even though I know this is completely irrational I can't help my thoughts and I've reached a stage where ending my life seems like something that will come to me in the near future. Deep down I don't want to die, not at all. I just want to be 'normal'. My brain isn't producing the right amount of chemicals and there's no amount of 'just doing it' that will ever cure that. It's like telling a person with epilepsy to 'just stop having fits'. Never going to happen. Im not trying to put you down with this reply, not at all. Reading your story of how you have became a drill sergeant is amazing and inspirational. Hopefully one day I can be as successful as you.