This breaks my heart. I know exactly what you're talking about and I'm sure everyone else here does too. It's easy for me to say but I'll say it anyway because it's the truth: give yourself a break and go easy on yourself. Everyone struggles with something and everyone's too hard on themselves, and everyone is their own worst critic. You may think you have more of a right to self-criticism than anyone else, but you're wrong. Try being an advocate for yourself. I promise people know your value, and your speech doesn't dissuade them otherwise. Much love