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Can't make myself feel determined Hi all! Just wanted to share how I feel today. Tomorrow, something big is happening. Well honestly, not really. It's pretty small, but when you're nervous as fuck, everything feels unconquerably large, yeah? And I can't bring myself to feel determined to face it. At all. And I just feel like shit. I have (kinda) fluent days and bad days, like everyone else. But over the past year or so, it's generally gotten a notch worse. (I never stuttered before when talking to myself----a few days ago, I just did and I hated it). One of the main tactics that I use to deal/cope with my stutter is to try to hype myself up. I make myself view the experience (without invalidating my nervousness!) as something positive, something to look forward to. If I'm giving a speech, I focus on the value my speech can give my audience, for example. Of course, I do this mainly in hopes of stuttering as least as possible. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it even makes it worse --- I get too excited, talk too fast, stutter like a broken machine). But regardless of how much I end up stuttering, this mindset usually allows me to resist the (very intense) temptation to run away from the challenge and face it instead. I just pat myself on the back after for being "brave." Today, I've been trying to do that, trying to give myself a positive mental state, trying to make myself happy by immersing in my hobbies so I'm in a good mood for tomorrow. But it doesn't work. I feel so down and afraid. I want to run away from it. I want to lie in bed and sulk. And I feel even worse about it because tomorrow isn't that particularly crucial. I mean, it's important, but not something like a job interview. And I probably won't even speak that much. I feel petty and weak like I'm some sort of wimp. And maybe I am being a wimp. Maybe I'm victimizing myself too much, but that's how I feel right now. My tightest of hugs to everyone.