Hey man (or gal), I definitely hear what you're saying. I think we actually have a lot in common in regards to our speech. I'm also a severe stutterer and my blocking has been particularly rough lately. I can barely get out a word either and feel like I need to push to get anything out which i've always avoided. My advice would be to educate yourself and find a good SLP (this will be easier once you better understand what you need). There are a lot of good books out there and I can recommend a couple if you'd like. Check out gus like Joseph Sheehan and Dean Williams. Once you get a good base I think it will be a lot easier to find the right therapist which could be critical. One thing i've recently learned is while they may mean well, there are a lot of SLPs out there who just dont understand stuttering and teat as a *problem* to be *controlled*. This may work for some but i dont think works for a lot. But the short answer is, you have to keep on facing your fears and learning its not actually as bad or as painful as we're making it. Or if it is, that's how we are choosing to feel (likely unconsciously) but we can change it. Keep your head up, join Stuttering Arena or NSA 20 somethings on facebook. listen to stutter talk. Try to find a local NSA chapter. Get involved, man. Getting support isn't just helpful, i think its vital.