I hear you. I've also come to the point in my life where I realise that I've been wrong, oh so wrong, by avoiding social life at any cost. I used to think I was saving myself from constant and perpetual shame, eternal dissatisfaction with myself that social interactions caused, it used to drain me of all my energy, emotional strength and I thought I would avoid this by reducing my social interactions. And in the end I realised that feeling lonely, isolated, ignored is most painful of them all. More than any shame I've ever felt. Maybe it's not so bad if you're lonely person by nature, but if you've sacrifice the wish to be social, to have close friends in order to "be safe"(as it was in my case), one day you'll realise you don't have neither, because staying away from "danger" makes you even more afraid of it. I'm talking about myself there, sorry if none of this fits you. I could just suggest changing what bothers you so much. I know that "it's not too late to change this" is a cliche but it's true. It will only get harder, so you don't have anywhere to run anymore except to do this. Try and find people to talk to, hang out with(maybe they won't be your "dream friends" but it's better than nothing), that would accept you for who you are or at least won't care about things that bother you. Internet is a safe place, where virtual friendships can be brought to real life. But I bet you already know this. Good luck, if you want to talk, you can write a pm, if not just know that you're not so alone in this lonely world.