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What I learnt thus far. I presented yesterday at my uni (sort of) yeah I didn't get pass the first word lol but upon going up to the stage with my group I felt what I didn't feel in years. Pretty much what any stutterer would feel walking up to present. Anxiety, blurriness, wanting to explode, pass out etc. Anyway when it got to my turn I froze and couldn't get the first word one. I figured it would happen but anyway. At least no one laughed and I did specify that I speech block really badly and I think most of them understood since they all 3rd year uni students. As for what I learned, lemme give a proper back story. Since coming to this stuttering community I always liked sharing and looking at other ppls experiences and I learnt a whole lot. But what I found to be my problem with stuttering and it is most likely the same for all fellow stutterers out there. Is being fearful of people with higher authority. What I learnt, I'm still learning. Look. You perceive everyone differently from person to person. You may feel more inclined to not stuttering with let's say your small nephew or niece. Why? Because they don't oppose a threat to your reputation. For example. I tend to stutter way less with my partner. Maybe I don't even stutter at all. With my mother I may stutter less because she understands me and I feel more easy with her. I don't feel threatened to hold a good reputation with her, I don't need to impress or get approval from her. My father on the other hand is abit different. I stutter with him quite a bit but I can still speak well and that's fine. Let's move back to the intro of this post. When I presented. At school or university you want to hide your stutter that's the obvious. Me too. Reputation and wanting to fit in. You see people differently and the bottomline is... I know it's easier said than done but... everyone is the same. Once you can see finally that, you'll feel free. I'm almost there. I know I couldn't even get a word out at that presentation but I learnt so much from it. In the crowd's there may be few that I stutter less around and some I stutter more around. It's the fear aspect levels I get around particular individuals that determines how calm I feel and free to talk. Because essentially stuttering doesn't matter. It realizing that being free and not worrying about your stutter.. makes the biggest difference. At the end of the day, everyone only cares about themselves and their own reputation. I noticed after stucking in the presentation that some people may giggle for a bit. Some wouldn't even care and would instead.. look alittle concerned. Maturity levels really matter at this point and if you reading this and you in middle school or something. It may be very different for you and hard because of all the teasing. Just remember we all the same and no one has any significance over the other. We all human with an ego built up to make up who we are. I remember making afew posts of myself doing psychedelics hoping to achieve an ego death (so I could experience what psychonauts would describe as "experiencing nothing") remembering that being nothing and to see nothing doesn't mean you nothing. It means you beat the world and nothing can phase you. I never did get that ego death but I learnt alot from what an ego death would teach me. I also got into detaching myself. Well I'm still learning. Where you turn on or off your emotions at will (though I can't yet) I wanna experiment with that and some other things like maybe walking around university grounds with a page saying big "I STUTTER, COME TALK WITH ME". I saw someone do it on YouTube and it might be very helpful haha. Lemme sum everything up then end this long rant thing lol. Figure out what makes you stutter. (It should be the same for everyone. Authority levels. But it can differ since we all different). Next, monitor it from person to person and see who makes you more anxious than the next. Once you notice and pick up who you stutter or speech block more around. Try practicing with that person. Always remind yourself that its fine to stutter. Heck I stutter like crazy still but it doesn't matter right? As long as you feel as though your mental state is improving. If you get to the point where after a presentation and you stuttered terribly. You may feel down for a bit but you don't over obsess with it like you used. Remember the first day of school. When you got stuck on your name and kept that bringing you down for weeks. When you feel like the outcome of your stutter doesn't affect you too much like it used. It's a sign you improving. Keep letting people know you stutter aswell. It doesn't matter if they think bad of you or not. Set up small activities where you get out of your comfort zone like I'm gonna try that page thing walking up to strangers saying I stutter, come talk with me. Phone someone once a week. Family member or friend. In my case it's my partner, I know what it's like to feel free and the sensation of not stuttering. The more you talk with that person. The more you'll open up to stuttering more with her/him and you'll stutter less I'm certain. At the end of the day. We all fluent speakers remember that. It's just our past. Anxiety. Our mind that's preventing us from being free. That's why we gotta train our minds and figure out what makes it tick. I am doing an interview for a internship soon through my university. I might make another post then to explain how it goes. I'm kinda nervous because I'd have to use huge words but HSHSHS it'll fine I think. It's a coding interview.. so yeah. I'm good at coding. Just not speaking it XD but I need the job. I'll do my best. Anyway thanks for reading. Hope this was helpful in any way and I wish you the best on feeling free and eventually overcoming your stutter. PS. I probably made alot of grammar mistakes in this. I'm too tired to fix it sooo I'm sorryyy.