Don't panic. Don't lose hope. You are not alone. First, you should read two books, by two people who have recovered from stuttering following not very different paths. The first is [Redefining Stuttering](http://www.mcguireprogramme.com/redefining-stuttering.php), by John Harrison, and the other is [Speech is a River](http://www.stutterers-anonymous.com/Download.html), by Ruth Mead. Both books are free, because stutterers are awesome people, so you have no excuse. When you do get them, actually sit down and read them. Trust me, you should really read them. Now, you will have to internalize the message before you start living it, and live it for quite a while before it actually transforms you. I read them a couple years ago and I'm still internalizing it, because, you know, life gets in the way. I shouldn't let this happen, but I am the kind of person who does let that happen, which explains a lot about my condition in life, stutter included. I have to become the kind of person who does not let that happen, among other things, and then fluency will follow. You will understand this later. Second, realize that you live a stutterer's life. We experience a ton of anxiety, tension and stress because our outer lives do not match our inner lives. In every interaction we come out thinking that we were not true to ourselves, and this takes an unbelievable toll on any human being. But the life that we are actually _living_ -- the stuff we do, the things we think, how we act and behave, etc -- are all exactly the kind of life a person crippled by stutter would live. It really is a perfect fit, if you think about it. Would a person not affected by stutter let people call them by the wrong name? Or let servers in a restaurant bring them the wrong order? Or scan ahead through what they're going to say looking for problematic sounds? And do this for EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT? Now, you may think "of course not, they don't have a stutter to worry about!" And I know you believe that this is an acceptable reason. We tend to believe that "if only I didn't stutter, my life would be so awesome." But in that kind of thinking lies the trap. Of course, you have a stutter. But why do you have a stutter _to worry about?_ Why can't you just have a stutter? Take another look at the problems you mentioned, that I referenced above. Exactly what part of letting people call you by the wrong name is brought about by blocks or repetitions? When you block it causes you to accept the wrong order from waiters? When you get stuck repeating a syllable does your brain abandon you and scan ahead for other repetitions? No. Blocking and repetitions happen, but those things above are all _choices_. That's when you stop just stuttering and start living the life of a stutterer. Thinking and acting exactly like a stutterer would. And this is the most important difference between us and people who don't stutter. We _choose_ to worry about the stutter. Of course, it's because we _do_ have a stutter, and it seems they don't. But if you wonder why they speak so fluid and we don't, it's not because we stutter. It's because we worry. And we do this obsessively. We all stuttered as children, before we actually believed we had a problem. The moment we stopped just stuttering and became stutterers was the moment we started worrying about it. I know it feels necessary, I know it feels unavoidable, I know it feels like the most important thing in the world. Which is why we do it, and why it's so hard to stop. But those are still choices, happening before and after the fact of the stutter, and it's those choices that are primarily holding us back. Tell me, how can you live the life of a stutterer and _not_ stutter? Blocking and stuff is involuntary and, honestly, for all I know, it might be unavoidable. It sure feels that way. But what you _can_ control, what you _can_ affect, is the life you live. The actions you take. The thoughts you nurture. And as long as you keep living the life of a stutterer, taking the actions of a stutterer and nurturing the thoughts of a stutterer, you _will_ remain a stutterer. So correct people when they get your name or orders wrong. When you start scanning ahead for problematic sounds, stop and bring your attention back to the present moment instead. When has scanning ahead ever really worked anyway? Do you think it works because it gets the gist of what you're trying to say out, even though it makes you sound like yoda? And then you might avoid some minor embarrassment and then hate yourself? Is that what you really want? It seems to me that, if we're going to hate ourselves no matter what, we should at least hate ourselves on our own terms, right? But we don't, because the point is not not stuttering, the point is hating ourselves. So we pick the option that makes us hate ourselves the most. **In short: do not change what you want to say or do to satisfy your self-imposed stutter limitations again, EVER.** Do what you _really_ want, what you set out to do in the first place. Yes, if you do this, you will stutter, and you will suffer. But for all we know, we would stutter until we die, anyway. We would probably stutter until it kills us. And we would suffer everyday, until it did. So what is it we are really risking? What are we afraid of? I believe we are afraid of change. Stuttering is hell, but it's a familiar hell. For most of us it's all we know; we grew up with it, we first made sense of ourselves through it, and we're mostly numb to it by now anyway. We made damn sure to structure our entire lives around it, so we can be as comfortable as possible in our suffering. And, most important, as long as we stutter, we will always have "if only I didn't stutter..." to reflect fondly upon. It's win-win, really. So, again, if you want to stop stuttering, I believe the path is to stop living like a stutterer. Go do the stuff you know you've always wanted to do but you've told yourself you couldn't because of the stutter. I believe more often than not we stutter _so that_ we don't do those things. We grew up thinking the stutter is the big bad wolf we have to kill, but it might just as well be the guard dog we sic on the things we fear. If you get hit by a car tomorrow, I guarantee that you will not lay bleeding out on the ground regretting that you had a stutter, but that you let it overcome you. And that you're probably gonna die now because the life of a stutterer put you there at that moment, and not the life of who you could have been if only you had the guts to live the life you wanted; the life you always knew you had in you. I'm sure you've thought of this before, and I've known this for a long while. This is a very powerful thought, but why is it not enough to motivate us to apply some serious effort towards change? More and more I'm being led to believe that this is the point. I'm not clear on the mechanisms yet, but I think that foreseeing this kind of outcome, instead of making you get out of your ass and act, lets you procrastinate another day. Or at least this is how it works for the kind of person I am. And that's why, if you change the kind of person you are, you dissolve the stutter. Because then it won't be such a perfect match to your reality anymore. It won't have a place to live inside your mind anymore. Because you won't be living the life of a stutterer anymore. I'm sorry this turned into such a long, rambling mess, I ended up mixing what I read in the books with some personal conclusions that are still far from fully formed. But the main message, the actual actionable objective, still stands: **do not change what you want to say or do in order to satisfy your self-imposed stutter limitations.** Do not live the life of a stutterer. This might not work in ridding you of the stutter, but at least you will come out from interactions feeling more true to yourself, once the pain dissipates. This might encourage you to express your true self more often and clearly, which will then become a virtuous cycle and, before you know it, a whole day went by and you didn't once think to anticipate what you were gonna say! Can you imagine?