I'was always an overt stutterer. I was so severe that there was no way I could hide it. Still I wasn't accepting myself as a stutterer. What I needed the most was a role model who stuttered openly. The first time I realized that you can be a stutterer and a cool succesfull guy was, when I found stuttertalk. I can only imagine how difficult and hard it must be for you to be a covert stutterer. To life in fear that a stutter will slip and somebody will find out. The good thing is: you seems to be at a point where the pain of staying the same is so big, that you really want to change. I would strongly suggest you to get help from a support group, or a good slp. But there are many resources online wich will help you deal with your stuttering, if you choose to work on your own. start with small steps. Like stuttering on purpose with a stranger. Look them in the eyes as you do it. You will see their reactions an realize that most people don't care as much about stuttering than you do. It's ok to stutter. Btw, check out this stuttertalk episode about Peter Reitzes who was in a similar situation like you. http://stuttertalk.com/my-life-as-a-covert-stutterer-episode-257/