if I may ask a question (downvote this is ur not comfortable and I’ll remove this comment) do u feel like there are noticeable gaps in ur memory? u are at the beginning of your journey - its scary at first, I agree. but be gracious with yourself. u discovered this path, and I am proud of u. let yourself learn how to walk before you start to run. allow yourself to take time. its not going to happen overnight. rest up my friend have u considered writing what u want to say, down in a letter and giving it to him?