I had the opposite approach to my stutter. I oftentimes deliberately put myself in situations where I know I'm going to have to talk to people just to prove to myself that it wasn't affecting me. I TAed a class, worked on the speaker at a fast food restaurant drive thru, gave a speech at graduation. Not gonna lie, it was often excruciatingly awkward and embarrassing. Thinking back to some of those experiences still makes me cringe. But I also couldn't live with myself knowing that I held myself back. It sounds like you have a very negative self-concept. You say you don't have any friends. Having people in your life who accept your stutter and still want to be around you is really important to getting over the concept of it being this ugly thing. Please try to reach out to stuttering groups where you could meet other stutterers who understand what you have gone through. There may be a local one near you. Also, feel free to PM me.