I am so sorry , that was crazy. Even i have thought multiple times to end my life but never had the courage to. I have developed my stutter in the second or third grade just like you , dont know how i got it , never stopped thinking how life would be completely different if i never got it. Our life is so difficult, pretty basic things like saying hello and introducing ourselves are a big task for us. Missed great opportunities bcoz of this. You have no idea how i messed up my life, my confidence hit rock bottom, may be still it is.I always question God, why me? Why it has to be anyone? But now, after wasting many years living in my own shell, i have realised it is more painful to not try things than to go through embarrassment, i am just now coming out of it , still scared . I have no idea how i am gng to do it, its going to be difficult, but i am thinking to leave it to God. I cant go through the pain of overthinking. So , bro its very very tough . I know it, we cant do much about it, just give it jesus, then you will have hope to move on. Just say a prayer whenever you think you are gonna stutter, take it day by day . Dont think too much.Also pls talk to your parents about this, its more painful for them to see you like this. Also stay away from drugs. Take care.