Yes it sucks and you are not alone. You have a voice and what you say matters. Who you are matters. I know you have to find your way through. It sucks and it’s painful. But it’s worth it. Because you’re worth it. Keep writing. Let us know you are ok. If you are suicidal call for actual help now. If you are in danger call 911. Some states have silent 911 where you can press 1 for police, 2 for fire and 3 for ambulance. Keep reaching out. Find therapy, support and supportive people. Posting here counts as reaching out but It sounds like you also need to reach out to someone who is in your physical life. If you are not in an emergency situation, perhaps finding ways to give to the community might help. Sometimes helping people with Challenges bigger/ different than ours can help put things into perspective. Finding a sense of purpose outside of ourselves can also be helpful. Take good care of yourself.