I'm usually the one helping others here but today I felt truly defeated. I can't take this.

I'm usually the one helping others here but today I felt truly defeated. I can't take this. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm usually the one helping other stutterers out and giving them advice. I usually try and give them some kind of hope and spirit. But today I felt truly defeated. I felt like an inferior, defected, undesirable human being. It doesn't stem from stuttering though. It stems from the loneliness, the isolation and the misery stuttering caused me. It was a problem that spawned other bigger and more devestating problems. At this point in life. I don't care if my stuttering never goes away. I just really really wish I can be accepted and be competitive in mainstream society. I have some friends I talk to once a month. They aren't great friends, but honestly id say I was lucky to even have them and I thank them everyday for whatever little support they give me. No one else does. Besides that I feel very alone and quite frankly defeated. No girl will ever probably like me. I'm not witty and sharp tongued (more like can't be as witty and sharp tongued) as other dudes and just can't be a leader. I can't wow crowds, tell jokes, tell stories and just win anyone over. I always feel like that weird autistic kid nobody likes. I feel like Jeb Bush in a world of Trump's. I just feel like I can't compete. I feel forced into defeat when I don't want to be defeated. Its an awful feeling. I want to compete, I want to succeed, I want to fight. But it just seems like I can't at times. It seems like a losing battle and I just dont want to fight it anymore. I don't know if it's worth it. I don't feel motivated to go to the gym and this December I gained 10lbs. I also bought a bunch of Xbox games to keep my mind off of life and it all just seems so pointless and unwinable at this point. The only good thing I have going for me is my career and even that I managed to fuck up a bit by letting loneliness and misery distract me. The only thing driving me quite frankly is this vision, this hope of a better life. I don't care about stutterering. I know the anxiety, the awkwardness, the lack of social skills and other problems it's caused me will last even if it went away tomorrow. I really don't think stuttering will make a difference. I just want to not be discriminated against and be treated as a subhuman because of it. I want to be treated as an equal. I just don't know what to do next.